I’m a little over 30 year old woman who has recently jumped into a new relationship form called an “Open Relationship”.
In this blog I will tell you how I ended up in this world, how I survive and how I solve issues that sometimes arise in this relationship. This isn’t the kind of a blog where I tell you daily things about our open relationship, but rather how our life DIFFERS from an “ordinary” day in an “ordinary” relationship.
I am by all definitions an amateur in this lifestyle. In fact, I used to be in the opposite end of the spectrum. For 10 years I spent in a monogamous relationship, dated total of 3 guys and never did one night stands. So trust me when I say, COMPLETELY opposite. I have strong feelings of jealousy, sometimes low confidence, possessiveness, I’m an aspiring romantic, and above and beyond an INTROVERT! And that’s not all! I’ve grown up overseas, in a culture and religion much different than this western society. A culture that doesn’t tolerate sexual openness and considers a woman “dirty” if she has had multiple sex partners during her life. Needless to say these things turned out to be quite a hurdle in my current relationship. But it hasn’t stopped me from living my live and continuing my relationship.
Although I must sound like a girlfriend from a nightmare, there is a certain flexibility and liberality in my worldview. That is why I didn’t give up at “Hello”, although my boyfriend had lived his life and will continue doing so. Of course, I had to work on these things by myself, and even go trough difficult times during all that. And I’m not saying that it has been easy breezy for my boyfriend either. That’s what happens when you come from the opposite ends and try to deal with issues without being able to talk to relatives or friends about it.
At the beginning of our relationship I set up quite a lot of “rules” to this relationship to control my fears and insecurity.
- No dates with other women.
- No meeting people outside swingers parties
- No flirting outside swingers parties. What happens in the swingers parties, stays there and should never see the light of day
- No having sex at home with other women than myself
- No flirtatious texting with other women etc.
By making rules I thought I was safe. But what happened to my boyfriend? After all, these rules should seem commonplace to anyone in a monogamous relationship (except going to swingers parties), and both of us agreed to them. My boyfriend boyfriend swallowed the bitter pill and accepted these rules, believing that I will also meet him half way as our relationship would progress. And so it happened, but not after many times of crying and months of anxiety.
Why does he still want to go on dates though I’m here? Why does he want sex from other women when I want to give it for all his heart’s content? Why even bother being in a relationship with me if he wants to live like a single man? Am I not enough? Am I not beautiful and desirable?
After my boyfriend had let me know of his preferences, I lived my life haunted by thousands of questions like that. The natural choice for me was to search information online; reading blogs, forums, and yes, finally discussing it with a therapist. But none of those gave me what I had been looking for, or what I needed. Nobody were able to answer why this was so difficult for me and what should I do. No peer support, nobody in similar situation. Only advice I got was “DUMP THAT TRASH”.
Answers to those questions and thoughts came in time – after many lengthy discussions with my partner. Only first real peer support I got was just a few months ago, after 3 years of going though thoughts in my head. All thought it came in so very late, it meant the world. This person opened many of my personal barriers and made me love my relationship so much more.
And so I started this blog. Writing these help me clarify my thoughts, and hopefully it provides peer support to those in my place some years back.
There is so much to tell you about our Open Relationship, but one thing at a time. In my next article, I want to tell you how I met my boyfriend and why I wanted to fight for our relationship.
Until next time with love,